My Enchanting Emissary,
Have you ever been in love? I’m not about to set a definition because it’s one of those things you know when you feel.
What kind of feeling? Oh my, how many writers before me have tried to describe the feeling of love? But anyway.
The feeling of being placed between vice grips when they look your way. The feeling that manifests itself in the form of butchering all those cute words you took the time to overthink. The feeling of: “I wonder if they know? I wonder if they feel the same?”
I’m not in love at present – but I have been. I hesitate to tell anyone what to do in these matters, so go ahead and ignore me if you have it figured out. But if not, and you want a stranger’s opinion on the matter, feel free to read on.
I’ll start with some advisories:
- There are no shortcuts. No pink potions of love to ease the process. If you needed one it wouldn’t be true love.
- Love has conflict, but shouldn’t be defined by it.
- You will never know until one of you breaks the silence. And sooner rather than later. Your time is imperative.
- Do not confuse love and lust. One of you will get hurt. Both of you is more probable.
- If it was love, and now it isn’t, end it. It’s the right thing to do, and while it hurts it’s the more caring and compassionate thing to do.
When you have it, you know it. And you know that it’s the best. But sometimes we forget. Oops.
Sometimes your mind starts to wander. Sometimes you grow so comfortable with a person, you take things for granted. And sometimes you do something that you can’t take back. Though I think that the things left undone are worse.
So, my advice to those who are in love?
- Tell them you love them when it’s meaningful. Do not toss the word around as a plaything. Do not use it in hopes of redemption. Use it when your heart sinks into your chest, and you know that it’s true.
- Go. On. Adventures. As many as you can. As often as you can. Go on mini-adventures to the grocery store to bake that weird thing you found on Instagram or Pinterest. Laugh together when it looks terrifying, but you still eat it anyway. Go on large adventures. The places you want to see are there now. They may not always be. You might not always be.
- Split things and share. The check. Your favorite sweatshirt. Those words you’ve been writing down and keeping to yourself. When I was in love I would write the dumbest things I could imagine (yes, I still do) and share them. Because I’m a sucker for smiles.
- Change. But change the way you want to. Even if it means growing apart. You can’t compromise your individuality if you want to retain happiness. If you grow together, and you like the changes, then you’ve found something special.
- Plot, scheme, fail, repeat. I never tire of making plans. It’s rare that they are successful, but there’s a bunch of fun in the act of making them. If you write them down, pick one out at random from time to time and do it.
Here’s the thing reader. You don’t need a guide like this. You don’t need to troll the internet and read the 13 Things You Need to Know about Love in 2017.
You need you. Love yourself first. Be as weird as you think you are and don’t apologize for it. I write stories from the perspective of a somewhat deranged but well-meaning dark magic user all the time. I’m the opposite of sorry for it.
Nothing is ‘meant to happen’ at ‘the right moment’ in life. You’ll know. So, act when you do. Feel bad for a little if it doesn’t work. Try again. Tell stories. Keep a fond memory of the failed Pinterest baking experiment.
You’ll get the hang of it.