Join the Blood Cult!

My Flattering Followers,

How much better we feel when we taste that smoky delight of new friendships. I should be clear: do not eat your friends dearest reader; well, unless you’re both consenting adults and then who am I really to stop you?

Today we celebrate the Blood Oaths of LoveandLifeBlog and stoneronarollercoaster. To the former I say: I love my life, and I live my love, which is why I have no issue getting other people’s blood on my hands – you know, because it puts a smile on my face when I go out to dinner soaked in my friends. To stoneronarollercoaster: I can only see that going one of two ways. Either the whipping sensation of the cart on the tracks imbues you with the rawest emotions possible – like our Brunch & Blood get-togethers – or you feel a monumental terror that you can’t escape. One that you can’t shake even after stepping off the coaster because you realize that life is a coaster and you will never get off. Never. Also like our Brunch & Blood get-togethers.

I’d also like to thank Tetiana Aleksina and Ms.lazy Boots for utilizing the ‘like’ feature on the page. As I have cursed the button, your blood will forever adorn the fountain my Canada Goose – Mr. DingleWaddles – uses to float around in. He asked me to personally thank you before readying himself for a day full of forcing people to walk around him by standing in the middle of sidewalks.

And for our non-cultists, what are you waiting for? It’s only a paltry pint of blood. It’s not like we’re doing the gallon challenge here. Well, we are, but we won’t force it upon you. Yet.

There are so many perks to being a loyal constituent of my terrifying machinations. Notably:

  • I will take all followers’ pancake recommendations seriously. Very seriously. I keep a ledger of pancake locations and ratings. I may even share my custom scoring mechanism for pancake locales with you.
  • Transfusions of semi-lucid drivel directly to your word processing device of choice. Some people read on their smartphone. Some people like to peruse on their laptops and e-readers. I prefer to get the latest news directly tattooed onto my torso every morning – backward mind you – so I can read it fresh in the mirror after each shower.
  • Mr. DingleWaddles favor. Do not underestimate the value of this.

Just getting these words out into the open makes everything better, wouldn’t you agree my sentient libations? Oh and please do let me know if there is anything you need cursed or banished into oblivion. I’m always happy to read it and/or etch it into my skin with a dull scissor.

Peter Piper Panicked as I Pushed his Puny Person into a Perfectly Pointy Pit,

Richard

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